25 Insightful Things I’ve Learned from Spoiling My ChildEvery parent wants to best for their kids and would do absolutely anything for them, but when it comes to parenting, there is a really thin line between doing your best for your kids and turning them into spoiled brats. One of our contributors had agreed to talk about her experience with her spoilt 7 year old and the effect spoiling her has had on her life.
Here is Kelly's story:
After comments made by other parents and conversations with my close friends without children, it basically seemed like an intervention. I was spoiling Alex, my 7-year old. Here’s what I’ve learned about the effect of spoiling infants on child development.
Dealing with a spoiled brat
Raising kids is such a difficult challenge and knowing when to set boundaries and say 'no' is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with, but I'm glad I did eventually say no, because it has avoided some serious behavioral problems.
Check your privilege
The first and most important lesson I’ve learned from raising a spoiled child is humility. Once I reflected on the expenses I had been throwing away catering to my child’s every need, I realized it wasn’t doing any favors for the way others saw me. I did not want to come off as an ignorant, status-seeking adult.
She learned it from me
Some parents tend to think their children are little versions of themselves, but they do have their own personalities. Giving your child everything you never had is different than bowing to their every command. Spoiled brats learn the behavior you teach them.
She is not the center of the world
I figured this out once I enrolled her in public school. Some children came to school wearing dirty clothes. Of course I want the best for my kid, but not everyone is as fortunate as her.
Snack time isn’t doing you any favors
She would come home from school and would demand a snack, then she wasn’t hungry for dinner.
Enabling bad behavior
Doing some self-introspection, I realized she treated people the way I did…This makes me seem like a bad parent and a horrible individual, I know. Everyone needs a dose of humility.
My child had no friends
Her social life took a turn for the worse. Other kids didn’t want to be around her demanding personality.
My ego had to do with it
I had trouble giving into the idea that my child was wrong, because that meant I had made huge mistakes as a parent.
My child had no concept of consequences
Every time I said “Yes” and “Don’t worry about it, honey, I will clean it up,” my child learned nothing. How would she be able to learn from her mistakes later if I solved every problem for her?
There was no respect
I felt manipulated and taken advantage of every day.
It hurt my marriage
My husband and I started being less intimate and fought constantly. I had to remember that I had a life with this man well-before my child came into the world.
Her room was a junk yard
Toys were everywhere. The floor wasn’t visible.
And she never played in it
My child asked for more, more, and more, but never played with what she already had.
Please and thank you were practically nonexistent words in my house.
Embarrassed in public
The tantrums caused unfavorable looks in public. I felt mortified.
I felt imprisoned
Some days I didn’t know if I would make it through. My child was controlling my life.
Dinner parties were awkward
When my friends came over, my child would interrupt adult time and ruin the night. Eventually my friends stopped calling as often to organize dinner parties.
I felt like a child
My interactions with adults were less-stimulating. I didn’t connect as I had before my child.
I felt hopeless
I sought a lot of advice online, but nothing seemed to be working. My child was a monster.
Constant need for attention
She could never play alone for more than 5 minutes without racing to me for attention.
I was lied to (more than once)
When I asked if she had done something, she lied straight to my face.
Being strict takes thick skin. Do whatever you can do to remain strong and not back down.
I was a pushover
When had I become so easily convincible? It’s not a good trait to have. I had to learn the word “no” all over again.
No line between adult and child
There were no boundaries. Age didn’t exist.
There is more to life
This isn’t selfish. It’s just something you have to learn. Children are gifts, but life has a lot of other things to offer.
I didn’t want my child to suffer later
Finally, I took her to a child therapist, because I feared the spoiled behavior would continue into her teenage and adult years, setting her back. What if people didn’t like her because she got everything she ever wanted as a kid? Who would she blame me later?