Couple Test: My Partner And I Have Separate Beds And Are Stronger Than EverMarriage and establishing a family are beautiful moments in life, but adding kids to a relationship can actually drive couples apart which is why so many marriages actually end in divorce just after children are born. My husband and I were in an unhappy marriage so decided to try a couple experiment and sleep in separate beds to try and save our relationship. The good news is our bond is now stronger than ever before and we are happy once again.
Parenthood is a momentous occasion and really does change your life forever. Having kids can put a strain on your romantic relationship with your partner and can in some cases drive you apart. My husband and I experienced drifting apart and decided to save our marriage by changing up our sleeping routines.
How to save your marriage: Read my story
Marriage is so important even when you have kids and if you don’t want to go down the marriage counselling route to save your relationship, give sleeping in different beds and rooms a go! You’ll be surprised just how having your own space can reignite the flame and turn an unhappy marriage into a happy one.
My husband and I have been together for over ten years and first got together back in college. When we met we hit it off immediately and really couldn’t keep our hands off each other! You name it, we did it; the first few years of our relationship were a frenzy of passionate hookups. Our college years were a magical time and they really did help us form a strong relationship.
Starting life together
After leaving college, we decided to look for a little apartment in New York and move in together. At the end of our first year living together in the real world, Carl and I got engaged and were blissfully happy.
Our life as an engaged couple was equally as fun and exciting as our college years were and we grew closer and closer every day, despite the pressures of trying to establish a career path. Everyone was really happy for us when we announced our engagement and I really did believe that our bond was unbreakable.
Hello married life
Eighteen months after getting engaged, we walked down the aisle and said ‘I do’ in a small celebration in front of our friends and family. Our wedding day really is a day I’ll never forget.
Six years on from our wedding day, Carl and I have added three kids to the mix; Oscar, Lilly and Mason, whom we love dearly. Raising kids is such a rewarding experience and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but the running around after them, getting them to school on time, making their meals and getting them to bed at a reasonable time in all honesty is really time consuming.
Carl and I have both always wanted kids and after getting married and buying our family home together, having kids seemed like the last piece of the puzzle. Kids are amazing, however no one tells you just how stressful raising three little ones really is and what effect it has on your relationship.
Loss of intimacy
When Oscar was born, my whole life changed and I no longer had time for myself because my priorities had been changed all of a sudden. Oscar was a fussy baby and had trouble getting to sleep every night, which did put a huge strain on my relationship with Carl. Although Carl understood that I had to devote my time to Oscar, I think his feelings were a little hurt when I used to say that I was too tired for any sort of intimacy.
Decline in sex life
Having kids really did have a huge impact on our sex life, but as Oscar grew older, his sleeping patterns improved and Carl and I managed to get intimate and have sex every few weeks or so. Our new sex life really was worlds away from what we had once enjoyed at the start of our relationship all those years ago, but that was okay.
In 2012, we added our beautiful twins Lilly and Mason to our brood and suddenly our family was complete! By this time, I had given up my job in publishing and had decided to pursue my dream of become a Graphic designer and work from home. Holding down a job, looking after three kids and keeping a house in order is a tough challenge.
Eventually, life got on top of me a little bit and made me overtired to the point where I couldn’t even dream of having sex with Carl despite his gentle and sensual advances. Carl and I were living like roommates and the intimacy that we had once known had totally disappeared. It was that I was no longer attracted to Carl; it was more to do with the fact that I was too exhausted to be intimate.
Sex had become a long distant memory and our relationship needed to be revived. After several serious discussions about what we wanted from our relationship, Carl and I decided to give sleeping in separate beds and rooms a try. Although it may seem a little unconventional, it really worked for us!
Sleeping in different rooms was a tough decision to make but neither of us regrets it because it has made us miss sex and each other. Making the decision to sleep in different beds has thrown us back to our college days and really has revived the dwindling flame in our relationship; we have on occasions become like teenagers again.